TBGCTBGC
He Defines Me
Chapter Seventeen
Harry's POV: Five-Years-Old
Two years had not done much to change the room. The changing table and toy box were gone, leaving the wall bare save a small dresser. Master had thrown away most of my toys, wanting me to play more sophisticated games which were now stored in a bin under the bed that was easier for me to access without assistance.
The drafting table still sat in the corner of the room, covered in papers and random stick it notes with scribblings written on them that I couldn’t understand. There were more books now, they were piled on either side of the bed and made a great shelf when I wanted to put my glass of water somewhere for later use. Master had said that annoyed him, it could fall over and ruin one or more of the volumes, but he never got angry or actually told me not to.
The window to the outside was open that afternoon, and I could see the bright colors of the setting sun, purples and pinks were splayed across the sky from behind the trees. Master had been not come home the night before, and I had slept in my cage, cuddling one of the pillows from the bed that smelled like him.
I don’t think I minded being left alone during the day if it weren’t so boring, but I absolutely hated it at night. The cage was a comfort, at least, I remember thinking it was, now I just remember cold bars and moving shadows. During the day I could open the window and watch people outside for hours. The death eaters, that’s what Master called the ones like Lucius who wore the long black cloaks, sometimes brought their children to the house for meetings, and would leave them outside to play. I’m not sure if Master approved.
The girls seemed rather mean, even if I couldn’t hear what they were saying. They’re faces were always nose in the air, and they detached themselves from even each other, sitting in separate areas of the yard either playing with dolls, or waiting impatiently for their parents to come get them. But they seemed to get along better than they had the year before.
The boys weren’t much better. More than once I’d seen the little blond in heavy cloaks pull the pigtails on one girl. In fact, he seemed to pick on her an awful lot. I wondered if they knew each other. There was a part of me that wished I could play with them, or open the window and at least talk, but it was overshadowed by the part that knew I didn’t really want to. They were so strange. I saw one girl yell at her father. I could never yell at Master. I could cry or grab onto his shirt and drag myself half across the room begging for what I wanted, but I could never yell.
That afternoon had been uneventful. The yard was mostly empty, only a few children, and they didn’t seem to feel like associating with each other, so I had sat in the center of the room trying to think of something to do. Eventually I settled on something Master had called chess. He’d given my a set, but had yet to show me how to play.
It was to that end that I was stretched out in the middle of the now spotless room with my feet in the air, staring at the chess board blankly. Master had enchanted it to make a rather loud, obnoxious noise when I made an illegal move, and as I had no clue what was and was not legal it was becoming far too frustrating far too fast.
The loud buzzing sound filled the room again, and I held back the urge to throw the pawn across the room, instead setting it back where it had been and staring at the board in confusion. It had let me move a pawn two spaces forward last time.
I was just about to give up and put the board away in favor of checkers, which I knew very well how to play, when the door opened. Looking back I gave an excited squeal. It wasn’t often that someone managed to surprise me, but it hardly bothered me as the person was Master, and I jumped to my feet, throwing my skinny arms around his waist in excitement. He ruffled my hair affectionately, smiling down at my overjoyed face.
Burying my nose in his robes I breathed in his musky scent deeply, "What happened, Master? Where were you last night?"
Turning me around, he motioned me towards the bathroom and I followed, immediately understanding his needs. It was obvious by his over prominent, though by no means unpleasant, odor that he had not been able to bathe while out and wished to do so now. Leaning back against the door I kicked my heal against the cool tile while he drew the water, needing nothing more than to sit in the scented bubbles, and probably not wanting to listen to an excitable house elf. Tibby’s main job was to take care of me, she rarely did things for Master that he could do for himself unless it was requested.
As he slipped in, I sat myself beside the tub, goose bumps rising on my bare legs as they rested against the floor. "Master?" He had laid his head back against the rim and now lifted it to look at me questioningly, "What happened? You said you would be back last night."
Lifted a hand from the water he ruffled my hair again, laughing at my obviously annoyed face as water dripped in my eyes, "We went to scout out a town we wanted to attack and found someone waiting for us. It was only token resistance, but we had to make sure they were utterly defeated before leaving."
I nodded, pretending to understand him, and sat quietly on the floor as he bathed. Some ten minutes later, he motioned for me to fetch the towel which hung behind me against the wall. As he dried himself and adorned his sleeping robes, I made sure to stay some respectable distance behind him, chaffing at the quite in the room.
I wanted to hear what had happened, I wanted details, I suppose, like any overactive five year old, I wanted an adventurous bedtime story and did not take into account that whatever he told me involved real people. Master and Mister Malfoy, Lady Narcissa and Mister Pettigrew were the only real people in my world.
Master noticed my twitchy feet making circles in the carpet, something Tibby had taught me to do rather than make noise, or ask annoying questions I did not need to know the answers to. He stopped to stare down at me, his arms crossed over his chest, "Well?"
My feet stopped of their own accord and I tried my most winning smile, "What?" When he scowled, more out of annoyance at my attempt to feign ignorance than out of any real anger, my smile dropped. "I was bored all day."
His scowl lifted and he picked me up with a strained grunt, setting himself on the chair, my little legs straddling his lap, "You can’t have been that bored, my little pet, you were playing chess."
I pouted and wrapped my arms around his chest, trying to catch his scent through the pungent smell of bleach, "I was trying, but I’m not very good."
His hand played with the hair at the nape of my neck, "And what of Tibby? Wasn’t she here?"
"She had to clean, Master, I’ve been alone since early this morning." He chuckled and I sighed contentedly into the vibrations of his chest. "Tell me what happened?"
His hand tightened in my hair, though not painfully, and I looked up into his stern eyes, "You do not need to know what happened. Only that things did not go as we planned."
To my discontent, he lifted me up and placed me back on the floor, "Take off your shorts and kneel over by the chess board."
It wasn’t an uncommon command, not entirely. Although, since we had begun my new training some months ago he had insisted it be on the bed or the chair. This was the first time he had shown interest in the floor. Moving as quickly as my small body would allow I pulled the small leather shorts off and took my place next to the black and white marble set.
Setting himself behind me he leaned over and pulled the board so that it was directly in front of me and pushed me gently over onto my elbows. "Play."
I blinked for a moment, uncertain, but willing. As I reached forward and picked up the pawn his finger slowly penetrated me, pushing in until it was to his knuckle. This I had become used to. It no longer hurt, though it did feel a little uncomfortable for the first few moments.
Master began moving it around, pulling out and in, allowing me to adjust around it. After a moment, he stopped, "I told you to play."
I started at the command, having been far too caught up in making sure I did not tense to move the pawn I held in my hand. I put in down and was rewarded with a loud buzz, indicating it was wrong, and picked it back up.
The finger had started moving again, but it was easily ignored. Master leaned over me as he worked, watching me put the piece down again, my movements very obviously unsure but this time there was no offensive noise, and I sighed with relief, my muscles contracting and relaxing in the movement.
Master made a rather appreciative noise, "Do that again." After a few moment, I succeeded, and he ran his free hand down my back in reward, "You’re getting better. Now, I need you to relax as much as you can." He waited a moment, till he felt my muscles unwinding, "More. Good. I’m going to put in another finger. Keep playing."
I randomly grabbed a piece that looked like some kind of deformed head with an elongated nose and put it down two spaces forward, only to have the buzzer once again take me by surprise. Master chuckled, and I gave him a sour look behind my shoulder, "I told you I wasn’t very good."
"You just don’t know what you’re doing. I’ll have Malfoy teach you." As I turned my head to look back down I felt the other finger beginning to force its way inside next to the first one. My hands involuntarily clenched, and I bit the side of my mouth to keep from crying out. It stopped after entry, barely inside and I felt Master running his hand down my spine, "Why aren’t you playing?"
Taking a large gulp of the saliva that had poured into my mouth I tried not to sound strained, "Hurts, Master."
He continued stroking me and his voice softened, "Breath pet." I took a shaky little breath, and felt him push it in a little farther before stopping, "Large deep breath, pet." I complied and the finger slipped the rest of the way in. I held my breath then, finding it impossible to entirely ignore the painfully sharp feel of him stretching me.
Master leaned over me again, his cool breath against the back of my neck, "Keep breathing." As I dragged the air through my lungs, my body began to comply to Master’s wishes, relaxing around his fingers. He slowly moved them back and forth, his hand playing at the base of my spine to help focus my attentions elsewhere.
Within minutes it had become easier, and if not entirely painless it was at least bearable. When he finally pulled out all together I twisted my body around and threw myself into the disheveled night clothes. He tilted my head up and kissed my mouth tenderly, his tongue working it’s way patiently around the interior and tasted the saltiness of the few inadvertent tears that had fallen.
"You did very good, pet."
-tbc-