TBGCTBGC
He Defines Me
Chapter Nine
At first, Severus had been confused when he could not find Harry Sunday evening. Confusion had quickly given way to worry, and it was only a short step from there to outright fear. He tried, at the first, to tell himself he was not at all worried about Harry, not afraid he’d been hurt; no, he was terrified that Voldemort had found the boy and taken him back, because if Voldemort had then that meant Severus had a very short time left to live.
In fact, he’d worked himself into a such a state, that it came as quite a shock when he opened his eyes to find bright green staring at him, "Severus, why are you sleeping on the couch?"
It took a few moments for him to assess the situation. Apparently, he’d fallen asleep reading. Harry was now straddling his lap, leaning over him with elbows on either side of his head. Putting a hand on Harry’s chest he sat up and looked around the room. He spotted Draco, standing next to the door with his arms across his chest, "He refused to come back alone, too many people in the commons room."
As the meaning of Draco’s words set in he looked back at Harry, who sudenly seemed very proud of himself, "You were in the Slytherin dorms?" He nodded enthusiastically, and Severus narrowed his eyes, "Why?"
The deep blush that crimsoned Harry’s cheeks told him he really did not want to know. Looking up at his student, he noted Draco smirking back at him. Definitely what he thought, no Malfoy went around with that many hairs out of place if he hadn’t just gotten laid. In fact, even getting laid didn’t subsequently lead to messed up hair and untucked shirts, it had to be a really good lay.
Draco stretched, reaching his arms as far above his head as he could, "You two have a wonderful evening." Winking at his professor, he turned around, stopping before he shut the door behind him, "And professor, don’t get mad at him for doing what you told him to."
Harry turned abruptly to Severus as the door closed, "You aren’t mad, are you?"
Severus sighed and stood up, helping Harry stand as he did so, "I did not mean for you to go sleep with the first person that came to mind."
Harry felt the ache return to his chest, "But I don’t know anyone else my own age."
Leading him into the bedroom, Severus pushed him towards the bed as gently as possible considering his aggravate state, "I was hoping you would wait until you got to know some."
He scrunched his nose up, and wiggled under the covers, watching Severus walk into the bathroom, "But I..." However, he wasn’t sure how to explain it, so he turned around, and pulled the covers up to his chin miserably. He had just wanted Severus to be okay with it, wanted him to understand that it was what he wanted, that it had nothing to do with his experience.
Willing away the tears he could feel pricking at his eyes, Harry closed them and tried to get to sleep.
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The next morning, Severus slipped from the bed and out of Harry’s intertwined limbs as quickly and quietly as possible. He’d had enough time to think the night before, and in the interest of fairness he could not be angry at Harry. The boy had probably never been given an ultimatum his entire life, of course he would not know how to handle it.
Besides, the night before he had been far more angry with Harry for leaving the dungeons without telling him, than the fact he had slept with Malfoy. What he needed now, was to talk to his promiscuous student and set a few things straight.
Unfortunately potions for Slytherin did not come until the last class of the day, and so he sat as patiently as possible through the incompetence of his other classes. It was like watching an axe slowly fall towards a helpless victim, every moment was longer than the last. When the fifth year Slytherin’s finally piled into the room, along with the Gryfindors, Malfoy was still wearing a slight smirk on his face that radiated ‘I just had brilliant sex.’
Severus tersely gave out the ingredient list, instructing them to follow the instructions in the book and sat down at his desk to wait for the end of class. When his figurative axe finally dropped, he was so pent up, he nearly forgot himself and yelled for Malfoy to stay behind. He didn’t seem to have to, though, because the smug brat just sat at his desk while he thers filed out, smirking and staring, as though daring him to say anything.
When the last student had left, shooting apprehensive looks at the two of them, he threw a sound proof charm on the door and walked over to Malfoy, staring down in an attempt to be intimidating, "What, may I ask, possessed you to have sex with him?"
Shrugging, Malfoy smiled broadly, "I have no clue, but it was the best decision of my life." When Snape’s scowl deepened, looking as though he were trying to come up with a decent curse, Draco’s entire mood changed, as though he had snapped and he seemed to glow defensively. "I did it because he asked, and he asked because you told him to."
Before Severus could so much as open his mouth, the boy stood up, hands still pressed against the desk, "Why did you tell him to do that anyway? You are the first person he’s ever wanted in his entire life and the first thing you do is tell him to go fuck someone else first? What did you think he would do, wait a few months and get over it?"
Severus stared, taken aback by Malfoy’s tone. The boy had always been so flippant, "I was trying to keep him from making a mistake."
Draco no longer cared that this was his teacher. Before dropping Harry off he’d dragged nearly every detail of his childhood from him, and despite better judgement he’d found himself becoming possessive. It wasn’t the normal possessive either, he didn’t see Harry as a lover, he thought of him as a soul mate, a companion. "You should be far more worried about your own mistakes."
He picked up his bag and started for the door, but Snape grabbed his arm, "What exactly do you mean by that?"
Looking back defiantly, Draco stood up as straight as possible, inwardly hoping that it looked intimidating, "Did you know he’s never been cared for? He thinks he has, and in the matter of material goods, sure, but he never had anyone to tell him he was doing good unless it was about sex, or told he’d be alright. It’s much the same way my father treats me, only I don’t have to give sexual favors, and I don’t sleep in a cage."
"Did you know he preformed oral sex when he was six? He wanted to, he begged for it, because the only time You Know Who ever praised him was when he took a finger up the ass without complaint, and he wanted to be praised. He wanted to be good. He had sex when he was eight, and he cried, just the pain, not because he was eight, and he was being forced to do something he thought he had to, whether he wanted it or not. He cried because it hurt, and You Know Who told him he was good, patted him on the head and went to sleep. He wasn’t held, his tears weren’t wiped away, and he wasn’t comforted, just told he was good."
"He had never enjoyed sex until last night. But you know, that doesn’t mean he wanted it? I thought it did, hoped even, but he didn’t." Draco felt his chest tighten as he remembered the look on Harry’s face when he’d said ‘no,’ he had gone from appearing to be in the throws of passion to childish, no trace of lust. He had been able to turn himself off like a switch because while he was enjoying himself, he had not wanted it. Draco somehow doubted Harry would be able to turn himself off with Snape.
"He wants you, you can hurt him, and you can make him feel, really feel. In fact, I envy you that, but I can’t help feeling sorry for Harry, because your going to a break his heart before he even realizes he has one."
Malfoy took the advantage of having stunned his professor to make his exit in the Malfoy fashion, dramatic with his back straight and his head held high, slamming the door behind him. Not that Severus was paying attention, he was busy turning the information over in his head, half wishing he hadn’t heard it, half knowing Malfoy was right.
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Draco stopped outside the door, breathing deep, dropping his imperial stance for one of deflation. It had hurt to admit out loud that Harry didn’t want him, hurt far more than just the realization or the thought. Pushing off the wall he hadn’t realized he was leaning against, he made his way through the maze of halls that were like a home to him.
He hadn’t been lying when he had said his father treated him that way. It had been somewhat of a shock to find out that rather than call his son home and hand him over with a bow around his neck Lucius was instead keeping him away for as long as possible. Maybe somewhere very deep down his father was fond of him.
Stopping at Snape’s door, he said the password softly and shut the door behind him before anyone could see. Harry was sitting on the floor next to the house elf, glumly playing wizards chess as though it were a sculpture of hippogryf dung. Seeing Draco, his frown seemed to deepen, "He’s mad at me."
Draco put his bag down and sat next to Harry, wrapping an arm languidly around his shoulders, "He’s not mad at you, he’s mad at me, he just took it out on you."
Harry scrunched up his nose in distaste, having lost interest in the game, "You can go now, Mimi, Draco’s here to watch me." Mimi gave Harry a worried look, but popped off to the kitchens without saying anything. Once she was gone, Harry put his head down against Draco, "I don’t understand. If he isn’t mad at me, why would he act like it?"
Shrugging, Draco shoved himself up onto the couch, laying down and motioning for Harry to lay on top of him, "People do that sometimes. He hadn’t had time to think it through, and you were there, so he just decided to be angry with you. Trust me, he had a few hours to think about it and he went straight for my throat."
"Are you okay?" Harry got onto the sofa, straddling Draco’s lap, and looking at his neck.
The blonde laughed and pulled him down, "No, not like that, figuratively. It means he tried to yell at me. You shouldn’t feel bad about it, it wasn’t your fault. If anything I shouldn’t have agreed." Draco cringed as he said the words. Of course he should have, he was Slytherin, that was what he did. He took advantage of people to make himself more comfortable. Hell, just being a Malfoy dictated that much.
Harry closed his eyes and sighed, "Sometimes I wish Tom would just come get me. At least everything makes sense when I’m with him, I don’t feel like I’m on the outside looking in."
"No, of course not, you were on the inside looking out, weren’t you?" His head snapped up at Draco’s sarcastic tone. "It’s no different here than it was there, you just know it now. You’ll figure things out, it’s not that hard, give it time."
Harry let himself sink into the other boy’s body, closing his eyes once again. Draco smiled against harry’s sweet smelling hair, "You know what?" He more felt than heard the mumble against his chest, and chuckled, "I think you just need to be persistent."
-tbc-